Charlie Javice's cellulite butter
bill it to john pierpont morgan
*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•by your best friend erin griffith•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•
EGTttHoB™ is a semi-regular dispatch of stuff happening start-up land that interests me. Thanks for coming along.
Friends! A random smattering of items this week.
🧈 Charlie Javice and JP Morgan have been fighting about the legal fees for her fraud case with the bank. JPM has been on the hook to pay her and her co-exec’s fees (despite winning the case), and it has cost the bank more than $142 million — almost as much as the $175 million it paid to buy Javice’s fraudulent startup to begin with. She’s charging them for luxury hotel upgrades, lawyers billing 24 hours of work in a single day and, bizarrely, cellulite butter. The bank’s lawyer is of course outraged by all this, meanwhile Javice’s spokesperson had this to say in response:
“As an employee, she did purchase ice cream and other items in accordance with JPMorgan’s code of conduct, and she never sought reimbursement for anything that wasn’t expressly permitted under the guidelines she was given,” the spokesman said.
What! Ice cream!? What are we even talking about here?! At this point Javice is doing a service for future founders who want to sell their shady start-ups. I imagine everyone at a big company who discovers the start-up they bought defrauded them will now consider quietly moving on. Let’s keep the cellulite butter out of this, shall we? Javice was clearly paying attention when Masayoshi Son asked, “Who wins in a fight, the smart one or the crazy one?”
🧦 I make no apologies: I love the $230 Apple phone pocket thing. Doesn’t anyone else spend 30 minutes+ a day wandering around trying to find their phone in their house before giving in and doing the “Find My” of shame on their laptop? Sure, an Apple Watch would solve this, but who wants another device? Especially when we can wear a $230 Issey Miyake-designed cut up sock around our torsos.
✎ There are now three (great) tech biz journalism substacks run by men named Alex. Reminds me of when Kara Swisher observed that Twitter’s board of directors consisted of “three Peters and a Dick.”
👀 Speaking of Kara, this story about Olivia Nuzzi and RFK Jr. is quite a read.
🤖 Speaking of Masa, I’m up to the Softbank Vision Fund in the book. It is tempting to make this section all about the love of my life, Pepper the Robot, but I’ll try to resist. Out of curiosity, I was shopping for orphan Peppers on Ebay (only $8000 for this sweetie) and now he’s following me all around the web. What a delight. Anyway, please send me all your Vision Fund stories.
Important Business Matters
Startup everyone’s into: Mira Murati’s Thinking Machines is worth $50 BILLION already.
Startup everyone’s over: Hollywood has no more hits.
Reason to go on living: Airbnb for ex-cons.
Reason to take up residence under your weighted blanket: Elizabeth Holmes is using MAHA influencers to boost her pardon campaign.
Latest crush: We look stupid when we stare at phones. Let’s start using bell chimes to tell time.
Latest heartbreak: Sports gambling is ruining relationships.
Latest thing the kids are into: The Bernie bros are fighting with the abundance bros.
Latest thing the olds are into: “Weaponized competence.”
a dall-e summary of this newsletter:
“thanks, J.P!“
*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•the end•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•
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The Javice legal fees situation is wild. $142 million in legal expenses is almost as much as the orignal purchase price. The cellulite butter detail adds an absurd layer to what's already a bizare case. Her spokesperson's ice cream defense is somthing else. JPMorgan probably regrets this aquisition more with each passing legal filing.