double chum

what are profits, and does my startup have any?

*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•by your best friend erin griffith•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•

Buddies! Last week I went to TechCrunch Disrupt, a very tech large conference that does not serve food or coffee (an intermittent fasting thing I assume).

There, I heard the beginnings of a new gospel that’s spreading, from the Land of (Startup) Promise to the Enchanted Unicorn Forest. Discipline is in. Fiscal Responsibility for all. And pray for Positive Unit Economics! In other words…

🤑 Silicon Valley Has Discovered Profits 🤑

Alternate titles: In the black is the new black. Move slower and make money. Plain old horses are sexy again.

The one problem with the age-old “pivot to profit” is that it is beginning to feel like Groundhog Day/Chicken Little/The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Last time the Business Heroes™ started to worry about unit economics, SoftBank showed up with $100 billion and an emotional robot named Pepper.

In other news I have finally fulfilled a short-lived pre-teen dream of being a fashion writer with my latest story for the Style section. New technology is often slightly awkward, questionably useful and kind of fun. So it goes with the Levi’s and Google Jaquard “smart” jacket, which I tested out for a week:

🧥 Can a Jean Jacket Revive the Wearable? 🧥

(spoiler alert, maybe?)

Important Business Matters

Startup everyone’s into: Stem cell storage for dogs. Really. And Rahlies, the overalls startup. Rahlly.

Startup everyone’s over: “Being chained to your mobile phone is a low-status behavior, similar to smoking.”

Reason to go on living: Tech evolution is not inevitable. And you can’t opt-out of tech privacy settings but you can obfuscate.

Reason to take up residence under your weighted blanket: The Chumbox start-ups have merged, leading to stronger, smarter, more powerful internet chum. Double chum.

Latest crush: Drag is expensive. Also, a Chicago restaurant is going as Olive Garden for Halloween.

Latest heartbreak: This sad story about Uncle Kwok, a homeless man who was beaten to death in NYC’s Chinatown.

Latest thing the kids are into: Hating on influencers. STDs? Selling their bathwater. Tiny keyboards.

Latest thing the olds are into: Complaining about the homeless on NextDoor. And also this.

Latest thing the scammers, namely Business Hero Elizabeth Holmes, are into: Stiffing their lawyers.

Latest thing the 1% are into: Actually really paying lower taxes than you, lol i know right??

lol nothing matters

Fellow Business Heroes™, it is time to ask ourselves: What are profits, and does my startup have any?

current status, expressed by stock photography:

“overalls for dogs. $1m at a $40m pre.”

*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•the end•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•

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