this newsletter has set itself up to deliver long-term shareholder value
|Mar 31||Public post|| 1|
*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•by your best friend erin griffith•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•
Buddies, Lyft went public on Friday. There was pink confetti. There were approximately eight hours of CNBC filler while we waited for a guy sitting at a computer inside Nasdaq to click some buttons. There were abundant VC victory laps on Twitter.
Amid the celebrating, a reporter asked the Business Hero™ founders of Lyft a hilarious question: Could Lyft, an 11-year-old company, turn a profit in, I dunno, say, five years? Their answer:
“We can’t talk about the future, but what we can tell you is that we have set ourselves up to deliver long-term shareholder value.”
Already so fluent in the empty bland-babble of public company executives! It’s just beautiful. (And to translate their answer: That’s a hard nope.)
Here’s some video footage of the interview:
Here are some articles I helped with:
📈📈📈Look at everyone getting really rich.
📉📉📉Who actually profits from these IPOs? Not anyone buying on IPO day.
Important business matters
Startup everyone’s into: Microsoft, which has banned stupid April Fools Day jokes.
Startup everyone’s over: Any company planning a a stupid April Fools Day prank.
Reason to take up residence under your weighted blanket: Shrinking local news operations means important environmental investigations are not happening.
Latest heartbreak: The dog suicide bridge. 😢
Latest crush: The humans of the California DMV, who must decide whether to allow vanity plate applications such as “DICK OUT” (applicant’s explanation: “Celebration of my son moving out of the house'”; DMV’s interpretation: “Dick”) on the road. All of these applications, their supposed explanations and their reasons for rejection, are incredible.
Latest thing the olds are into: Taking diabetes drugs for longevity?
Latest product of the plutocracy: When yr yacht is so over-the-top it needs its own support yacht.
Latest scam the scammers are scamming: A Lithuanian man sent fake invoices to Facebook and Google and they just… paid them! To the tune of $122 MILLION. Also: Anna Delvey got a celebrity stylist for her trial.
Latest thing the VCs are into: Definitely not ever ever ever ever ever promoting themselves.
Geoff Lewis@justGLewNeither I nor Bedrock has worked with a public relations firm — and we never will. If that means we don’t get credit when our portfolio companies succeed that’s more than fine with us. Seek results, not credit.
lol nothing matters
It is time, my fellow Business Heroes™, to consider: Will the unicorns ever be profitable?
current status, expressed by stock photography:
excited 2 receive long term shareholder value!