lil windex

(Suggested listening for this edition of EGTttHoB: “Toto” by Africa playing in an empty shopping mall.)

*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•by your best friend erin griffith•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•

Hello you

Next week I will make my first ever pilgrimage to the Business Hero™ Holy Place, the birthplace of thinkfluence and idea artisanship, the mecca of moneyed technofuturism, the home of the innovator’s dilemma’s solution. I’m talking, of course, about TED. Will I see any of you Heroes™ there?

In the meantime I have been busy writing articles about the business of technology. For example:

💰Spotify’s weird IPO was a way for the company to do that cool tech company thing where they pretend they aren’t capitalist enterprises!💰

💽Also: Credit where it is due, Spotify has convinced a generation that grew up on Napster and Kazaa to pay for music for the first time. (Fun fact: Spotify subscribers who pay $10 a month, or $120 a year, are spending around twice as much on music than the average U.S. consumer did at the peak of the CD boom.)💽

😾Here’s an unsettling experiment that shows that cats are more welcome on the internet than women.😾

🌵Here’s why you’re being chased around the Internet by ads for millennial viagra.🌵

🍆Naturally, my first print story for WIRED contains a dick joke.🍆

💻A sociologist walks into a hackathon…💻

💉Theranos is all of us. 💉

👿The bad boys always come back.👿

And of course, The Crypto:

⛓️A crypto conference dosed attendees with cannabis without telling them.⛓️

⛓️ The women of crypto are tired of hearing there aren’t any women in crypto. ⛓️

⛓️Why a tiny Kentucky firm rules a corner of the crypto market.⛓️

~moving on~

Important Business Matters

Startup everyone’s into: A gym for your face muscles.

Startup everyone’s over: Roboadvisors.

Reason to go on living: Belgium made sexism ILLEGAL! Venture capitalists are going to change their industry!

Reason to kill yourself now: Way, way too many Americans think women are lying about sexual harassment allegations. Dishes will tear us apart.

Latest crush: The Walmart Yodeler.

Latest heartbreak: Business Hero™ and my favorite crooner DMX has asked a judge to listen to some of his songs about his tough upbringing before sentencing him for tax fraud. :(

Latest thing the kids are into: Newscycle is the new Soulcycle. Artisanal magazines about food (different from artisanal food magazines). Failing at social media boycotts. Engaging in political debate in the Pornhub comments.

Latest thing the olds are into: Renovating the shit out of their homes. (There is nothing wrong with your home.) Cursing through iPads. Opening hedge funds inside their record stores.

Latest thing the crypto scammers are into: Fake churches. Coworking. Baiting kidnappers and hackers with their insta-bragging. Getting busted by the feds if you’re Business Heroes™ DJ Khaled or Floyd Crypto Mayweather.

PS. Lil Windex, the “mysterious Canadian cleaning-product themed rapper,” and my new personal hero (duh), has some thoughts on bitcoin core versus bitcoin cash.

lol nothing matters

Everyone knows a pivot to blockchain is the new pivot to video. “Put a blockchain on it” is the new put a bird on it. Etc. Now, a few months into the crypto revolution, some blockchain converts are realizing that, um… lol, their blockchain projects are pointless.

It’s time, Business Heroes™, to ask ourselves, does this project really need The Blockchain????

(^ that last gif is EGTttHoB™’s standard response to all pitches about new blockchain projects, sorry, it’s company policy.)

current status, expressed by stock photography:

“lil dirt devil”

*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•the end•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•