lol all of this matters

yes even you, thicc starfish

*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•by your best friend erin griffith•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•

Buddies! I didn’t commit any acts of journalism last week. Here’s a taste of my brain on vacation:

🙅 It should be illegal for bars—especially ones that still inexplicably allow smoking—to have carpet.

🥶 I stand with the anti-air-conners.

🔥 And why haven’t the Business Heroes™ at Frito Lay started selling Flamin’ Hot Cheeto dust in Pixie Stick form!!?!? I would 100% sprinkle it on everything.

Important Business Matters

Startup everyone’s into: Ancestry.com for dogs. (Really!)

Startup everyone’s over: Ahead of its IPO, WeWork will “shore up confidence” in its business model by raising a gargantuan pile of debt. I started to do the math on that one and my calculator started melting when I tried to carry the one… but ayyy, when did untested techy business models or risky real estate investments ever backfire and tank the entire economy!? As your financial advisor, I say the logic checks out. (Important notice from EGTttHoB™ Corporate: I am not your financial advisor.)

Startup everyone’s quietly copying: CVS copied the Bodega startup and somehow the Internet isn’t melting down.

Reason to go on living: They’re finding fewer needles in BART stations…

Reason to take up residence under your weighted blanket: …because of the rise in fentanyl.

Latest crush: 🏆THE SOCCER STARS OF COURSE.🏆 (Ahem, please pay them.)

(Bonus soccer content: This was possible because of Title IX. Also, more on Megan Rapinoe’s complicated relationship with her brother.)

Latest heartbreak: Youngstown loses its only newspaper.

Latest thing the kids are into: Thicc starfish.

Latest thing the olds are into: Losing their sh*t screaming GEN Z IS COMING!! like they’re paul freaking revere.

lol nothing matters

Friends, it is time to consider an important counterpoint to my favorite internet philosophy/the title of this section of my newsletter. As Zeynep Tufekci writes in a recent Wired column: Everyone knows so much of the internet is fake, but when we all become cynics—lol nothing matters-style—we descend into a low-trust society, which has profound implications. In other words, lol all of this matters. Ughhhh fellow Business Heroes™ does this mean we have to, like, fight and try to fix all the broken stuff and… care?

current status expressed by stock photography:

“just shoring up confidence in my business!!!!”

*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•🦄the end🦄•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•*´¨`*•.¸¸.•

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